I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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