everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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