it was like his penis was on wheels.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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