I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
