is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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