My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
