I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
