They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
