I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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