Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
