Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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