um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
