Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
