awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
