also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
