I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
