look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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