I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
