we're chasing vodka with high fives
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize