Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
