If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
