I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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