I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
