some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
