Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
