This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
