alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
