Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
