fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
