fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
