hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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