omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
