i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
