Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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