Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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