he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
