But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
