i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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