He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
