So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
