The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize