dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
