Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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