if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
