i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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