did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
