there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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