I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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