i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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