Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
