I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
