Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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