we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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