"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
