If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
