Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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