Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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