Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
