The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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