piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
