There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
