hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
