I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
