I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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