I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
